Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your dad touched me again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
