the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
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How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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