You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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