woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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