Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
