At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
