You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
