he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I deserve this hangover.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
