she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize