You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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