You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
