somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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