The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want a musical about memes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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