maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
