Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
