dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
