True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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