what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I supernannyed him into submission
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
