he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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