I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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