grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
