before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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