i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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