I'm going to jail i love you
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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