I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
