Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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