Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
