He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
