i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I touched a dick in church today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
