i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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