Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
operation harelip BJ is a go
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
