Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
