I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
time to smoke my breakfast
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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