I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
