Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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