I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
