Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
