Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
