I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
