im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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