I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
