I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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