i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
