is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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