take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
