You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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