areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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