My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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