yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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