i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
