Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
