You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
