Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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