I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
