I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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