I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
