thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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