her vagine was all disorganized.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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