there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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