we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
