so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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