He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
