the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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