my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
