She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
