Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
