I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
