Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
