Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
