If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
