Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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