why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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