so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
