So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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